House of Leaves.|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in
Mister Owl's LiveJournal:
|Sunday, March 6th, 2005|
|In Brain We Trust.
So Spring Break has officially begun. And nothing--besides some severe work all week long--is set to happen. Right now I have been focusing on laundry and homework, and, wow, has it been exciting.
O, I love my family. They have been storing up Pepsi iTunes caps, so now I have been downloading like crazy. YAY!
In other news, I have been assigned to RA Clewell next year. It wasn't my first choice, but I'm beginning to look more and more forward to it, particularly after going to coffee house last week and drinking in the atmosphere down south (pun very much intended). My main worry is being cut off from the north culture and all my north friends, but that part might be moot since I will have all my classes up there and will have plenty of opportunities to hang out up there.
Narrowing down my Honors proposal, since Khristina wants a finished copy on Monday after break. And, there is the slight possibility I might get a scholarship to support my research, which would be awesome. Current Mood: relaxed
|Tuesday, March 1st, 2005|
|Don't let the days go by
The Comenian is put to bed. Hopefully it will be out Thursday or, at the latest, Friday. I have decided I am going to run for EIC, even if I probably won't get it. At the very least I need to feel that I tried my best, rather than regret never trying in the first place. I won't repeat that mistake again.
Damn you, Nine Inch Nails and your selling out of the early bird tickets to your Philly shows! I was even going to shell out the dough despite the fact that my being in the country during May is somewhat questionable at the moment. BAH!
Now off to read some more Arendt, that sexy nymph goddess of all things political. Current Mood: calm
|Friday, February 25th, 2005|
|It's been a long time, it's been a long time.
Okay, it's been quite a long time since my last update, so I apologize--though anyone who reads this no doubt knows what has been going on. (And, hey, I warned you at the beginning of this thing that updates may be infrequent.)
The big points:
No doubt the biggest: Court (the crush in previous entries) and I are officially going out, and we are both very happy. *crosses fingers* Let us see how long it takes before I drive her off.
I got to see Alix Olson, folk poet and lesbian activist last night and she was utterly amazing. Afterwards I talked with her and could only tell her how awesome she was and that I took a class with her father (who is actually my POSC adviser, but I didn't mention that). Good grief, she must think I am a total goober. Though, am I alone in thinking that Alix and Khristina would make one cute couple?
This weekend is the Vagina Monologues, and I am so excited to see them (even though I saw the dress rehearsal already). I get to see Court and Charlie perform, and of course Stef and Amy directed it, so I can congratulate them all on their efforts. I have no doubt whatsoever it will be incredible (especially that Angry Vagina). Now I can only hope that they allow the make your own/male monologue in next year so I can perform. Dammit, I want my 15 minutes of vaggy fame!
I have become more and more involved in the newspaper. I expect that come election time, I will run for editor in chief. I have a snowball's chance in hell, but I think I should give it a try. There are so many things I want to do with it that I think can make it so much better than it has been in the past.
School has been so busy lately. (Besides the blooming romance that has been the major reason for no updates.) Besides putting together my first poetry portfolio (*sigh* and it wasn't good at all), a 5 page POSC 250 paper that practically killed me (and in which I called "Carl Schmitt" "Charles Schmitt" *smacks self*), my easy Brit Novel midterm, and a constantly growing amount of reading, I have always been trying to hammer out my honors project proposal. Gag.
And, on the side of all that, the application process for RA and Leadershape have been going on. So even more stress there.
And now I have started the long and arduous project at looking at graduate schools. So far Columbia has the leg up in my mind if I am going to go for a POSC Phd. But, of course, I have utterly no clue as to what I will actually get a degree in at this point. My English mind and my POSC mind are not agreeing on anything at the moment.
Tori's new album--though less gritty than her previous efforts--is awesome. There are some tracks on here that are of such beauty, that I can't get enough of it. This woman can make the narrative of driving in a Saab a catchy tune that I can't get enough of. That takes talent. God, I so hope she tours around here for this album.
That's it for the moment. If anything new comes up, or if I remember anything new, I will give you another--hopefully not long delayed--update. Current Mood: mellow
|Friday, February 4th, 2005|
|It lifts us up where we belong...
Okay, I feel a little bit more at ease about things.
I talked with her over IM for about an hour and it was great, she is so wonderful and my antsiness has faded. *huge smile* (No moves taken yet, though--soon, I hope, though.)
Elsewhere in my life, things with Charlie are settled, which I am so happy about.
And I have already sent in my news & feature writing assignment. Now just the Haddad paper tomorrow, along with the RA app and the Ireland check.
Seeing Sideways tomorrow. I hope it is as good as the critics have made it out to be. Current Mood: relieved
|Thursday, February 3rd, 2005|
|Love is a many splendored thing...
So, uh, I am sorta in a confusing place right now. Romantically speaking.
Now, I am sure how I feel about a certain person. I have romantic feelings for her, to be sure, and I would very much like a relationship with her--or, at the very least, the chance at one. So as far as my own feelings are concerned, I am on pretty solid footing.
But then we come to her and how she feels, and that is an entirely different matter. This person told me about a week, two weeks ago that she has a crush on someone and we had a pretty abstract conversation about the whole thing. Even with that knowledge I still had feelings for her and, as far as I can tell, flirted with her enough so that if she wanted to she could clearly tell I was interested in her. She responded in a flirty manner as well, but with my biased view it could have easily just been her normally nice, playful personality coming through.
Today she IMed me, since she apparently did some research and found my SN off of an email I sent to the school newspaper, which we both work on together. We had a good discussion, I thought, though I tended to come off as an idiot--again, from my perspective. I would really like to take this as a sign that she at least feels some attraction back, but I don't want to read too much into it.
Then tonight we had a MSAS meeting, in which there was never the opportunity to any kind of private discussion between the two of us. Since I am a relative newbie in this club I didn't talk very much--surprise with me, I know. But I worry that I come across as some quiet loser. Lord knows I can be outgoing in smaller groups, but in larger ones, particularly where I am not as informed as the others on the subject matter, I tend to clam up.
Afterwards I had hoped to walk her back to her suite, but she got called back to discuss some other issue and that plan went splat. Ugh.
And now I am left with this antsy feeling in my stomach, and I am afraid that I blew my chance with her. I have never been good at making the moves on girls, but if I was going to ask her out I would like to do it in person and not online. So blah. I feel so disappointed in myself. Additionally, I am worried that she might be doubting if I am interested in her given my lack of moveage. I could have fucked things up so much, and I don't even know.
And I have six pages of writing to do for tomorrow, all of which I don't want to do. But I would blow it all off if I had the chance to hang out with her and just talk--and, God willing, ask her out for dinner or something.
I wish I was better at this. Current Mood: disappointed
|Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005|
|And six more weeks of winter is is.
Not much going really, but I felt obligated to update--with some friendly encouragement.
The whole issue with Charlie feels like it is nearing resolution, which I am glad, since I don't like being angry in general and especially with people I care about.
No Haddad class tomorrow either. And, as much as I am excited since I won't need to read 40 more pages of Arendt roaming all over the topic of Nazi/Soviet regimes coming to power, I miss my almost daily dose of Khristina. She is so cute and excited about the material, which perfectly balances out how brilliant she is. I am so looking forward to working with her as my honors project adviser.
Instead of reading more posc, I have been getting to know Emma, and, as much as my classmates badmouthed her, I am finding her quite endearing, if a bit prone to mistakes of perception and manipulating Harriet. More and more, though, I am admiring Jane Austen. She was quite ahead of her time. I just might have to read more of her works. After this semester, though. If I survive.
Let's see--RA re-application due on Friday. 5 page paper for Haddad due by 4:30 PM on Friday (which I am not sure if I will even have to do since she has been out the tailend of this week). And a 250 write-up for news & feature writing due by noon on Friday. GAH. Not looking forward to any of this. And the first $600 for the Ireland trip is due as well. Crazy.
Still mulling over the whole Leadershape thing. If I want to, that app is due by the 15th.
O, and I picked up three bears that they were selling at the HUB in support for breast cancer research. I figure both my sister and mother will appreciate both the bear and the cause they support. Hopefully I will find some time come Valentine's weekend to run home and see them both and give them their modest gifts.
Okay, enough out of me for a while. Have to get back to livin' life and not just recording it all down. Current Mood: contemplative
|Tuesday, February 1st, 2005|
The subject says it all. All my classes are done for the day (and, in fact, my Haddad class for tomorrow is cancelled--huzzah!). And I am so wiped out. This sleeping problem is really starting to wear me down. At least I can subsidize my usual sleep with naps, which I will probably taking as soon as I am done this and have done a little reading.
An alright day, all in all--though it definitely had its highlights. If I wasn't so worn down from exhaustion and stress, I would probably be beaming.
P.S.: Dr. Reid has author paper clips in the shape of Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Oscar Wilde. I am so envious. Current Mood: tired
|Monday, January 31st, 2005|
Okay, not the best of days. Very long...very stressful...Mondays are always the worst. And, even though it seems like so long ago, I started this day out with a good attitude. Bah.
So, this day saw not one, but two disembowelments of my work. Once in poetry writing, and then again in news & feature writing. Admittedly I am the artist type in that I don't take criticism all too well, but collectively these episodes feel like my ego was raped with razor blades. Oh well, I know it will pass and, like a good abused spouse, I will come back with flowers in order to make up and get started again.
After my two afternoon classes I felt incredibly drowsy, but I managed to get through the Comenian meeting and my three-hour night class with some grip on my sanity. And now I still have some reading on totalitarianism to look forward to. I guess one of the side benefits of mild insomnia is that I don't need to worry about falling asleep in the middle of the reading.
In other news, I am fucking sick of passive aggressive people. Especially those that act friendly and only talk shit about you behind your back. If you have problem with someone bring it up with the person you have a problem with--not the entire world besides them--at the time that the angering event takes place.
With friends like this who needs enemies. Gah. It is so damn frustrating. Current Mood: stressed
|Saturday, January 29th, 2005|
|Language is community
"Some people think that I'm strong , stable, self assured. But I don't want to be, because I don't want to impose or control others. What I'm looking for is another power that's hidden, efficacious, and practical: the power to reclaim myself.
"I write words to you whom I don't and can't know, to you who will always be other than alien to me. These words sit on the edges of meanings and aren't properly grammatical. For when there is no country, no community, the speaker's unsure of which language to use, how to speak, if it's possible to speak. Language is community.
"My sexuality is not wanting to exist."
- Kathy Acker Current Mood: optimistic
Just so you can get an idea of how I look, here is a picture that I took last week when I got into a photo frenzy and wanted to try out the new camera I got for Christmas. Unfortunately, the pathetic memory card that came with it--which is only a 16 MB--holds 4-5 pictures at a time; now I have to save up my money till I can afford a 512 MB card. Ah, so much to buy, so little time, so little money.
|Friday, January 28th, 2005|
Okay, here it is. To everything there is a beginning and here it is. Right here. And right off the bat I am at a loss for words. This is not a good omen. I don't even have a champagne bottle. Okay, this has all the makings of a doomed adventure, and I haven't even posted anything yet.
But to hell with such worries. At the very worst I will have cheated myself out of an hour or two of my life in setting this whole damn up, and, in the best case, I will have some new venue to whine and bitch like I ought to as an American--and an American college student, no less. That's double the duty to bemoan every aspect of my life, right there.
O well, enough posturing. Being cynical and caustic certainly helps when you want to sound witty and mature, but it can get pretty tiring after a while. Lately I have had trouble being as caustic as usual. And it is not like I have no reason to be--the entire objective of one of my classes is to focus on totalitarian political theory and neo-conservative thought, which both are particularly jaded views of human nature. And this semester has all the makings of being the most stressful yet, so it certainly isn't that which has been having an effect on me.
Frankly I don't know what it is. But somehow I feel so much more in control of my life than ever before. I talk more easily in crowds, I flirt more easily with my current crush, I can hear my ex talk of her love for her new boyfriend--I can do all this, and it is becoming so natural that I can't believe I am the same kid who played by himself until the fifth grade and who has never in his life made the first move in either of his two serious relationships. I think I am finally beginning to see those changes everyone said would happen during college, and for the most part I am so happy. I mean, come on, it was about damn time for all this to happen.
If I ever get to future entries I might explain some more of this backstory, how I got here and what the hell I am thinking about, but for now I think this is a satisfactory start to this whole LiveJournal experience. Now let us see how long I can keep this all going. Current Mood: mellow